He brings flowers, opens doors for you, pulls chairs for you, even goes with your choice of movies all the time… too good to be true, isn’t it? A partner or a spouse who agrees with you all the time sounds like a dream, doesn’t it?
Well, a partner who does everything nice and is great and agreeable all the time, while a dream come true, can become an annoyance over a period of time. Although we all want our partners to be nice, someone being ‘too nice’ soon becomes problematic, confusing and nuanced. Being nice generally implies being kind and respectful and is perfectly acceptable. Being too nice definitely comes with negative connotations.
Here are a few reasons why too nice doesn’t work for most of the relationships:
* Sometimes, too nice can become boring
After all, most of us need a bit of tension and pushback in relationships. We need stimulation and conversation. Of course, we need just the right amount of tension and pushback for the relationship to feel good. Too much tension is problematic but too much of a smooth sail can become mundane. When your partner is being too nice all the time, things become too predictable and after a point in time, it can come across as plain boring.
* Too nice can mean uninvolved or dismissive
When your partner is being too nice in the relationship, things always go your way. Whether it is about a small thing like what food to have for lunch or anything as big as taking the relationship to the next level, you expect to have your partner’s honest opinion and a ‘too nice’ partner just doesn’t offer one. This also means that they accept your decisions without weighing in and it may appear as they are uninterested.
* When someone leaves all decisions to you, it can become exhausting
Being in a relationship comes with a lot of responsibilities. Responsibilities that you often hope to share with your partner. When your partner is being agreeable all the time, the responsibility of making all decisions falls on you and it can often become unbearable and exhausting. It may even feel like you are in a solo relationship.
* It feels too good to be real
When you are around someone who is too nice all the time, it is but natural to get a feeling of suspicion about their real motives. There is no way of telling whether it is just a façade or if they are genuine and sincere. This leaves a lot of room for constant doubt between partners.
* Too nice can feel suffocating
* Too nice can have Gaslighting effects
Being in a relationship with a partner who is too nice all the time can often put you in the spotlight, especially when you are around common friends or even the family. When the other person is being too nice, they end up Gaslighting you, unintentionally though. Even the most natural of your responses to things might look like an overreaction since your partner seems to forever exhibit model behaviour.