No matter how much you try, it’s just too difficult to please some people—more often than not, mother-in-laws tend to top the list. A strenuous relationship with your mother in law is hardly something that you can overlook, mostly because, in a longer run, it might affect your relationship with you husband. A toxic mother-in-law will very likely try and be sickeningly sweet to you in the beginning, but only to get you sucked into her trap so that she can start manipulating you and slowly cutting you down and trying to get you cut out of your partner’s life.Sometimes, the rift in the relationship may be because of a simple misunderstanding,but where do you draw the line between a simple misunderstanding and a toxic relationship with her?
Here are some tell-tale signs that your mother-in-lay is toxic or interfering:
* She tends to be invasive in your marital relationship
They want to know all of the gossips, and they want to be in the middle of every relationship. Their agenda is you divide and conquer.
* She inserts herself between you and your children
They do all they can to make you look like a bad parent to your own kids. Favouring your children and berating your orders or decisions about them can be very evidently seen in such situations.
* She does things that can make you feel unwelcome and left out
They tend to be passive/aggressive; shooting digs at you that easily fly under the radar leaving you looking like you’re too sensitive to those around you. Your feelings are hurt, and your partner can’t really see it and then you’re in this bind. They talk down to you, as a way to cut you down and make you feel insecure.
* She is controlling and constantly wants to call the shots and make major decisions for your family
When dealing with a controlling mother in law, it’s important to create strong boundaries and establish that it’s okay for her to have opinions, yet she is not the one who ultimately makes the decisions.
* She puts her own son or daughter in the pedestal
The biggest challenge here is the previous history and relationship your partner has with their mother and how willing they are to see the strain she is causing on your relationship.One way to handle this issue, if you feel your partner doesn’t see what you see, is therapy. Sometimes having a neutral third-party can be helpful in pointing out certain dynamics someone too close to the situation might miss.
* She lacks boundaries
That’s another sign that you’ve got a toxic mother in law. If she has a hard time respecting your needs and causing you to feel guilty for creating healthy limits, she’s not respecting your boundaries. The response to poor boundaries is setting strong boundaries for yourself. It might get really difficult because you might really have a hard time respecting your mother in law once you start setting these boundaries. If you are fortunate enough to have the support of your partner, this can be a lot easier.
* She has major double-standard acts
You will find several instances where your mother in law takes two-faced approach and acts differently around you when you are alone as compared to her behaviour when your partner is around.A mother in law who believes she knows more than you and constantly reminds you that she knows better. This can be extremely difficult because it can feel very personal.She may also say things that only you would understand as insults. This can feel very isolating when others don’t believe you or see the things you see.